Some Crapspiece of mine:What happened when the clock stops ticking?

My life in couples of weeks before was really like a race. And as I speed by the track, I leave the spectator behind. Guess the metaphase is barely understood…sigh.
June, I started June with a very slow pace and homesick mood, no momentum to work and every morning when steps into the office I keep thinking am I lost? What I am doing here?
It was June, just back from a week of hometown breakaway, I went to Singapore with tones of responsibilities that need my high attention at work, I started my Master course and most of all, running here and there doing the preparation for the wedding, which will happened in just two months.
Week by week me getting weaker and demotivated in every single things, loosing my weight even my appetite is increasing, loosing my focus and sometimes I just wish that the clock stops ticking.
I end up in a mass destructive of attitude that effect almost everybody in my live and it leaves a bad reputation on me. Though, it keeps me strong to look up and stand again. I hate learning through the hard ways and yet it keeps occurs in the most unexpected moment.
I wonder what is the ultimate meaning above all the purposes of live.
Is it to have a normal life? How normal is the normal? As far as I concern the definition remains but the reality is, it have a constant alteration through times. Even the world is changing upside down, back ten year we never thought that India will be the most important country in call centre business and china is leading in their on way by open up their policies to the world and now, even IBM is now manufactured in China, with a different management and new name, Lenovo.
Normal life is no longer on the safe zone, but is all about pressure. Pressure to survives, in a tough and hot weather, weather of inflation and corruptions.
My head is spinning and I am yet sleeping at this 4:37 am Sunday morning. Try to evaluate myself, where will I be in next 30 or 40 years? I need to work on the journey if I want the results in a happy ending. But, wait….
Is it all about 30 or 40 years? What happened after that? I need to adjust my destination of navigation; which is beyond my life time period. I need to prepare before my race is over, and end up in totally, ultimate regret. I need to prepare before the clock stops ticking.